Long live the Black Knight.

Changes are afoot. Clouds gather over Hoboken; wenches hunch over cauldrons foreseeing dark times ahead; strange eerie chanting can be heard faintly on the wind. The White Stallion (The white Hyundai Accent) is wounded. He is battle weary and has retired to the stables (gone back to the rental place). Enter the Black Knight (A black Chevy Cobalt). He terrorizes serfs (other road users). He means business. He is stronger, faster, younger, than his predecessor yet he doesn’t have Sirius radio. Damn.

What am I on about? I have switched cars. You must be thinking that’s great you’ve finally bought a car. No actually. The bastards at the car dealership have refused me finance to buy a used car as I have no credit history. I knew it was going to be difficult. I knew it. I was told. But to actually get here and experience it is another matter. When I fill in that credit check form I feel like I am back at school and about to take an exam that I have done no revision for (which obviously in reality never happened Mum & Dad) and I am going to fail.

“But Sir, I have only been here for 2 months. I have no credit history”

FAIL.

What was more annoying is that I was refused to be allowed to test drive any cars after they found out I had no means to pay. Bastards.

Back to the main whinge, I mean story. I have a new car. It was not out of choice but the White Stallion (Hyundai Accent) has been replaced by the Black Knight (Chevy Cobalt). Here’s how it happened:

After the weekend of being told the above regarding finance and such, it was almost like someone really didn’t want me to drive a car. I left work on Monday and got the car park. Straight away I noticed a flat tire. Naturally it was raining. Right there I metamorphized into Victor Meldrew “I don’t believe it” I actually screamed. Right, not a problem I say to myself. I’ve changed tires before so this is ok unless of course the US system of changing a tire is different to the UK. I don’t know, maybe you have to have your own jack, or something ridiculous. No, I was pretty sure that it should be fine, but I am expecting the worst. I got the jack out and got the wheel off no problem. Now to the spare, which was where I expect it to be. It’s all going far too well.

I yank the spare out and bring it over. There is something not quite right about it. I look at the flat I had just taken off. Back at the spare. Back to the flat. It is literally half the size. The spare is half the size of the tire that was on the car. huh? I stand there baffled as I read the big yellow sticker:

“Temporary Tire: Do not exceed 50mph and replace immediately”

You have to be kidding me. Maybe I’m not such a man of the world that I have not experienced such small tires but at this point I am expecting Jeremy Beadle to jump out of the bushes pretending to be a mechanic. Then I realise that he is actually dead now and carry on in bemusement. What the point is a temporary tire? I just don’t get it.It takes me forever to drive home (not more than 50 mph remember) and I’m about 30 miles away.

The Black Knight has its pros and cons.

Pros:

  • Its faster which is admittedly not difficult compared with the Accent.
  • It has a bigger tank so less filling up is required (hey – clutching at straws here)

Cons:

  • There is no satellite radio so no more radio one 😦
  • I can’t actually see the speedometer as the steering wheel obscures my view. So I have to either dip my head or peer over the top, which is kind of distracting at 65mph.

Whilst we are on the Driving theme here is an update on my parking violations (I knew it would come sooner or later)

Parking Violations: 5

Total Fines: $262

New violation: Tow

Cost: $118

My latest violation I take full responsibility for. I got towed. I had parked on Park Avenue ironically enough, and it was being relaid. I didn’t see the signs that said I couldn’t park from 7am to 5pm. I got there at 8am to go to work and well, you can imagine how one would react not finding your car where you left it. So I had to walk to the tow place (1 mile away) to retrieve the registration documents, then to the police station (where I started basically) to a tow release form, then back to the tow place to get the car. At least it was sunny so it was a relatively pleasant 3 mile walk for a Friday morning. In my defence, the signs aren’t that prominent, but I now take a good couple of minutes when I park my car just on the off chance. Oh boy, I’d thought I got a handle on this parking thing.